If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
