I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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