Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's Friday. Sex?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
