This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
