We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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