Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
