My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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