Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
