Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
