She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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