i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
