I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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