Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
