I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
