Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
