You just made me feel so damn special
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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