I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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