She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
