i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
