I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
