He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
