I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
