Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
