New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
