I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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