I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
