yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
