In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
