best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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