More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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