She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
