We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
