I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
