Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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