Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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