anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
