Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
