the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
