apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
