I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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