I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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