i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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