Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
