if only i could text you this smell
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
