If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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