WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
