At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
