so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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