I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
