I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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