you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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